Chapter 18

Lisia smiled at the compliment. "Thanks. I missed you."

Cobweb noticed he felt inexplicably warm and wiped his brow and neck, which were now sweating. Earlier he'd found the sun to be mild. Perhaps the change in his perceptions was not so mysterious, he realized. He liked the idea that he'd been missed. The warmth he felt had been kindled by Lisia.

His companion sank to the ground, apparently taking a cue to settle back and enjoy the opportunity to relax. Cobweb found his eyes returning to Lisia's chest. He could smell the drying sweat coming over the lift breeze. The scent was delightfully erotic. Cobweb wanted to get closer, wanted to touch. Was Lisia doing this to him on purpose or was it all unconscious? Cobweb was still hot and now he felt the heat concentrating in his loins.

He felt he needed to get up and shake the feelings that had overcome him. Lisia would not be expecting lust to have flared up so suddenly, could he? His companion did not seem to be directing any energy his way, but was simply relaxing after a hard workout. Cobweb got to his feet and held out his hand. "Ready to move on?"

Lisia pulled himself up. "Sure." He glanced over at Ivy and Orto, who were still talking on the grass. "Perhaps we could go for a walk."

"All right," Cobweb agreed, "although I thought you'd be taking me around the school."

Lisia started walking. "Oh, I will, only I suddenly feel like getting away a little. I'll take you around the fields here."

Cobweb followed along. To him, it seemed almost as if greater, unseen forces were at work, drawing the two of them together. Even though he was resisting it slightly, compelled to keep his feelings in check, Cobweb was subject to the pull. As they walked, his body was still hot and simmering with lust. Though perhaps he was simply being a tease, for the moment Lisia still seemed to remain unaware of it, stepping onto the path leading into the fields of wildflowers beyond.

Wildflowers. Arriving over the crest of a hill, Cobweb saw them, a field of purple. Lisia, who had kept a faster pace, was standing among them, surrounded -- just as he had dreamed.

Ever since he had become Wraeththu, Cobweb had believed in visions, dreams, signs. Terzian had both prized and feared him for his powers, the way he could access knowledge of the past, as well as the future.

If only he had paused on his journey to further consider the dream he'd had, he would have recognized his feelings for what they were. He would have anticipated something special. Although this visit had already brought the surprise of the twin harlings and Lisia's sansu training, now the true surprise had been revealed to Cobweb, in his heart. He had fallen in love.

During their short walk, neither of them had spoken. Now Lisia smiled, the sun catching the gold of his hair. He was speaking to Cobweb but he didn't even know it. Cobweb was listening to his heart.

"Lis," he replied softly. This couldn't be ignored. By the Aghama, how had he allowed himself to deny this for so long?

Lisia came towards him. "What is it?" he asked, a trace of worry on his face. "Is something wrong?"

Cobweb whole arm was burning as he reached out and took Lisia's right hand. "No, Lis, nothing's wrong. Everything is right."

"Everything?" Lisia asked softly. Through the touch of his hand, their shared energy, Cobweb could feel that his friend was beginning to understand.

"Everything." Cobweb took Lisia's other hand. "I love you."

A shudder passed between them.

Lisia stared, utterly stunned. "You--" he gulped, "you do?"

Cobweb nodded. "I do. I didn't know it until just now, however, although I'd had a vision." He glanced around at his surroundings. "I dreamt of this a few days ago. I saw you standing in a field of purple flowers just like these."

"Lisianthus," Lisia murmured.

"What?"

"These are lisianthus," he replied. "It's where my name comes from." He broke his gaze away from Cobweb and looked into the field of undulating flowers. "I had a dream too," he said softly.

Cobweb squeezed Lisia's hand. "What was it?"

Lisia spoke hesitantly. "I'm afraid to tell you. Afraid to even think about it."

"Lis, look at me," Cobweb enjoined. "I love you. I have for a long time, I think. Don't be afraid to talk to me."

Finally Lisia turned back his gaze. "Well, I used to dream that some important har would come here and rescue me, take me away to be his consort. Eventually I threw away that dream, mostly because of Vlaric. When I met you it was something incredible, but I didn't think of you that way." He ceased speaking but obviously had more to say.

"But?"

Lisia sighed. "But as the years went by and we wrote our letters and I visited you, I started to have dreams. I dreamt I lived at Forever. I dreamt..." His eyes were pleading. Did he really need to admit everything? Cobweb waited patiently while Lisia built up his courage. "I dreamt that you loved me... and that I loved you."

"Do you love me?" Still holding Lisia's hands, Cobweb was not speaking the words aloud.

"I do." Lisia's answer flowed through his hands, a wave of radiant power. "I love you."

Cobweb, soaking it in, felt his body surging once again, on fire.

The power of those words was unquestionable, but before Cobweb could truly enjoy the sensation, he felt the power receding, Lisia drawing away. Now it was his turn to be worried. "What is it?"

Lisia broke their contact and turned away, hugging the backs of his arms. "I do love you... I think I do, but the rest of it..." Shaking his head, he was shaking with agitation. "The rest of it's impossible."

"What's impossible?" Cobweb asked, coming up behind and taking Lisia in his arms.

"Everything!" Lisia was tense and did not give in to the embrace. "Me living in Forever, being with you, you loving me. You can't love me."

"I do love you, Lis. Believe it." He tried sending some soothing energy but found it being repelled.

"I can't." Lisia pulled away and once again crossed his arms, protecting his heart. "You say you love me because you know I want to hear it and you feel sorry for me. You don't have to do that and I'd prefer if you didn't. This can't happen."

"But Lis, we've already--"

"Just forget this even came up. Let's just move on." Lisia suddenly turned on his heel and began to head back towards the school.

This was absurd. Cobweb rushed after him and grabbed his friend's arm, stopping him. "Why are you doing this?"

"I've got a curriculum to finalize, letters to send out, hara to manage. Years worth of work." Lisia wrenched his arm away and resumed his walk towards the building. "I can't be lingering on these romantic notions of mine. They don't mean anything."

Cobweb allowed Lisia keep on walking. There'd been a revelation between them, but not the proper resolution. For the moment, the conversation was over, dead. Lisia would not discuss it. Cobweb knew they'd have the chance to talk again. They had to.

Although Cobweb stayed in Harling Gardens for a week after that day, it was not until the night before his departure that he finally had it out with Lisia.

As much as he'd wanted to talk, Lisia had wanted none of it. From the moment they'd returned to the building, Lisia had play-acted as if nothing at all had happened between them. He was perfectly pleasant but would not allow Cobweb to return to the subject. He was so obvious about it was almost farcical. Not for an entire week would he speak, and then it was only because Cobweb had forced it.

Finally Cobweb decided it was ready to go. He'd had his vacation, from seeing the facility to hiking to spending time with Lisia going over the curriculum. He and Lisia did spend together and talk -- just not about love. This was another reason Cobweb decided to leave. Even as Lisia froze him out, Cobweb realized with every day how much he really did love him -- and Lisia refused to believe him, for reasons that seemed all too obvious.

Cobweb could have pressed him on the point, but instead chose to enjoy as many days as possible. Knowing his own feelings, being around Lisia had new meaning, even if it wasn't something they could talk about. Finally, however, the pain outweighed the benefits. He had to escape the stalemate.

He could not leave without talking. Impossible. He couldn't wait for a letter or a chat on the thought transference unit. He needed a face to face.

He'd had a full day. Cobweb had agreed to help out with the preparation of the guest rooms, which were being newly painted, cleaned and prepared to make the switch over from permanent dormitory space to temporary space. Even though Cobweb hadn't done any manual labor in years, he found he enjoyed it. Most of his day had been spent painting the walls with Branad and Ivy. Working as a team, they'd painted three rooms. It had been good to be able to talk with the others, if not about Lisia, then about other matters.

Afterward they'd eaten dinner together. Cobweb, as the guest, was promised use of the upstairs bathroom first and gladly took it. He was covered in paint and needed some time and water to soak and scrub it off. The bath also gave him time to think. You must get him to see the truth, he told himself. When he'd toweled himself off and put on a robe, he went straight to Lisia's room.

"Lis," he projected. He'd already decided to avoid words. He needed to convey emotions. Lisia wouldn't believe him, but how could he disbelieve an emotion he could feel? It would be like pretending to be deaf.

"Yes, Cobweb?" Lisia called out aloud. "Come in, the door's open."

Cobweb turned the handle and went inside. Lisia sat up on the bed, where he'd apparently been reading. "Hi." He glanced down at his book and then looked up again. "So you finished painting, had a bath?"

"You know I did," Cobweb said, again mind to mind.

Lisia got up and put his book on the small desk in the corner of his room. "Oh. You'll probably be going to bed then, soon. What time are you planning on leaving?"

The words and questions were all completely contrived, completely wrong.

Cobweb walked over to the bed and very deliberately sat down. Time for the first mental blast. "I love you, Lis."

Lisia spun around. "Stop it! This is over, Cobweb. It's been a week and I can tell you keep obsessing over this."

"I'm obsessing over this?" Cobweb burst out, using his mouth, not his mind. A torrent of words poured forth. "I was perfectly happy, Lis, ecstatic even. By the Aghama, I'm in love! Do you think that's something I would just say to flatter you? Do you think it's something that happens to me every day? You know me, Lis. You know me. I'm not lying. Please believe me." It was completely unlike him to plead with anyone, but Cobweb felt he had no choice. "I've been here waiting a week to tell you and every day I feel it more. Please tell me you believe me."

Tears had welled up in Lisia's eyes. "I want to believe you." He stepped in closer, but not close enough to touch. "As soon as you told me, I wanted to believe you, I--."

"But you said--"

"I know but I just--"

"Couldn't believe it and refused to hear it."

"Exactly."

"And you--"

"Love you? Yes, I do."

"Aha! Well, we're getting somewhere again." Cobweb bent forward and snagged on one of Lisia's hands. "Come here." He patted the bed beside him. "Now you come here and explain why you wouldn't talk to me then."

"I couldn't consider it."

"But why?"

"Because it's not possible!"

They were going in circles and Cobweb said so.

Lisia disagreed. "It's not that I don't believe in... us, just that I don't think we can do anything about it!" He went on to explain. They could love each other and there was value in that. They'd probably been in love all along, as friends. "But what of the future, Cobweb? I have to think about what's going on here, I'm going to live here."

"Did I ever say anything different?"

This gave Lisia pause. "What?"

Cobweb repeated himself. "Did I ever say you had to move, that things had to change?"

"Well, no, but--" Lisia stopped. "You mean..."

"I mean I know you're not ready -- for moving. You need to be here. But you're ready for love, Lis, aren't you?"

Up again came the tears. "Yes."

"Come here then." Cobweb held out his arms. "I'm read for love, too. Turn off the light."

After that, the two of them enjoyed a long conversation, half in touch, half in thought. The future was something they could talk about. The present they could enjoy as it came to them.