Chapter 7

The story of my inception is similar to most others, but I feel I want to write it out anyway. After all, as much as it's the same story for everyone, it's also different for everyone.

Once I'd acquiesced, Thiede led me back to the house and took me into the kitchen, where he had the cook put together a meal for me. It was to be the last thing I ate before a day-long fast. As Thiede explained via note pad, my body would need to be purified in preparation for inception. Even with purification, it would be an ordeal, make no mistake, but experience had shown that prior purification relieved at least some of the discomfort. It also provided a time for reflection, during which the inceptee could prepare himself for the great metamorphosis about to take place.

After dinner Thiede sent me upstairs with a servant. A white shift was laid out on the bed and once the servant had left, I slipped into it and under the covers. The ceremony would take place at midnight the following day.

That was a long, nearly sleepless night for me. Over and over I kept considering what Thiede had told me, both about himself and Wraeththu and what would be happening to me. I also thought about the mindtouch. All incepted Wraeththu must marvel at the extraordinary wonder of such a sharing of minds, but for me it had been something more, something as great as the sum of my life-long wishes. I would be able to really communicate! Whatever torments lay ahead during the althaia, I would keep that in mind: I would be reaching my heart's desire.

I was left alone for much of the following day. As the hours dragged on, I paced around the room and sat at the window watching the village, the clouds in the sky. I untied the braids in my hair and after brushing it through and through, I experimented with different ways to wear it.

All along the fevered thoughts and questions would boil over in me, punctuated with a feeling of expectancy. How many hours were left? Would I be seeing anyone at all that day? When would I see Thiede again?

It was mid-afternoon when the Aghama arrived. He was not alone. With him was a har (so I'd learned to call them) named Zuri. Considering how I felt about people staring at me, it was ironic that the moment Zuri stepped in the door, I started staring at him. He was my opposite, you see, an African with dark brown skin the color of antique mahogany, perhaps even burnt mahogany. In contrast to my head of soft white silk, his head was close-clopped, black fuzz cut with spiral designs down to his scalp. There were spirals cut into the backs of his hands as well, scarification. I was a child of the moon, but he was a child of the shadow.

Thiede had still not fully explained inception to me and so at first I didn't know why Zuri was being brought to me. As it turned out, Thiede had brought Zuri along so that I could meet him and get to know him, at least a little. Zuri, so Thiede informed me, was to be my inspiration during the althaia. He was very experienced, Thiede assured me, and had a particular talent with virgins.

"But I'm not a virgin," I told him, writing quickly, glad that I was getting better at it. "I was raped!"

Thiede scowled. "You are still a virgin. Do not count the rape." When he saw me frown, he wrote, "It is not the equivalent."

After that Thiede sent Zuri out so he could communicate with me alone. I was given about five minutes worth of instruction on aruna. No more was needed, Thiede told me, as it was all based on instinct. I needn't worry, only look forward to it with all my heart during the althaia.

There was one more thing Thiede told me, right at the end. He wanted me to know I would be more than an ordinary har. I would someone exceptional. He and his hara had been out scouting for inceptees when they found me and they were only interested in the best. Such were most of the residents of the settlement -- the best. We would be forming the heart of the new Wraeththu, exploring Wraeththu power and moving Wraeththu forward. I was going to be part of it, of that Thiede was sure.

Finally he left again and from then on, time seemed to crawl to a near standstill. There was no clock in the room and so I only had the light outside to go on. It took a long time to get dark. When it finally did I was lying weakly on the bed, hungry and restless, even a little bit cold. As I stood at the window a while later, in the moonlight I saw various hara traveling between the house and the village. I wondered what was going on, where it would happen. Thiede had told me some of it but not all of it. "It is better for you not to know in advance," he had written out. "Fear which has time to grow becomes stronger than fear that erupts all at once."

The appointed hour arrived and when my door opened, it was Genron and Varan, whom I had not seen since the meal the first day. They were dressed in long crimson robes as they escorted me downstairs and out of the house. There was a procession through the darkness. I was placed astride a horse led down the hill by Genron and Varan and a dozen others, all carrying torches so that their faces were crossed with eerie shadows.

By the time we arrived at the nayati I was feeling somewhat delirious. Was this really happening to me? I felt like I'd stepped into someone else's life. They helped me down from the horse and wearing my white shift, I was led up the steps and into the hall of the nayati. It was candles all around, hara waiting there for me, swaying and, so I gathered, chanting, singing and shouting.

At the front of the hall, at the altar, was a cauldron of wild white flames and a table draped with white cloth. Genron and Varan led me up to it and indicated for me to lie down. They took up stations at my heat and foot. I stared up into the darkness of the rafters, alone in total silence while outside my head, in the world of the hearing, the hall was, I had no doubt, filled with enthusiastic screams.

At last a face appeared above me: Thiede's. He did not speak to me, although it's possible he could have spoken to the audience before coming over to me. I had no way of knowing.

This was the moment. Thiede leaned over me and gave me a look which said "Strength." Then he pulled up my sleeve and the process began.

Searing pain, it was, but there was also searing hope. I thought about the promise of unspoken words and then of the promise of Zuri. It was going to be worth it. I clenched my teeth and bore the pain.

Somewhere along the line I fainted -- or was knocked out. I don't know. All I know is that I woke up in a strange room, not the bedroom from before. I later learned this was the basement of Thiede's house. At the time I was terrified of the change. I thought it was a tomb of some kind. It smelled strange to me. Focusing my eyes with difficulty, I spotted two hara in the corner, sitting with their oil lamp turned down low. What were they waiting for? For me to wake up?

My questions were answered all at once by a agonizing pain in my gut. It had begun. After that, I don't remember much.