Chapter 11

After making arrangements for the following day, the Triad excused themselves for the evening. The visit to the Sanctum would take place the next morning and in the meantime, Moon and Apollo were invited to spend the night at the palace. Vaysh offered use of his own quarters which, as it happened, included an extra bedroom.

A few minutes later Moon also excused himself, communicating that he would like to lie down in the bedroom and rest. While it was not uncommon for him to conduct such mind meetings the mental work involved was taxing as always, he told Vaysh, who had led him through the doors to the guest room.

Returning to the sitting area, Vaysh found Apollo hunched over in his armchair, one hand pressed over his eyes, obviously in the midst of collecting himself. Vaysh let him be for a few minutes, working around him as he fastidiously moved the chairs and sofa to their original positions, re-aligning the cushions. Except for Apollo's chair, which was pulled to near the center of the group, everything was once more in order. Finally Apollo exhaled loudly and flopped back, flinging away his hand, revealing his amber eyes, which appeared dull in contrast to earlier than day.

"I dare say you're just as exhausted as your hostling," Vaysh remarked.

Apollo rubbed his temples. "Yes, exactly. Today's been very tiring."

Vaysh turned away and moved to the drink cabinet, where he fetched out a bottle of his favorite liqueur and two glasses. "Perhaps you would share a drink with me? After that you could go to the guest room yourself."

"Thank you, a drink would be welcome, but as for sleeping, not now." Apollo rose out of his seat and pushed it back into its proper position. "I'm too glad of the chance to be myself again."

Vaysh came around with the glasses, handing one to his guest and indicating for him to sit down again. "Be yourself again? I don't understand. What else have you been being?"

"Not myself, that's for sure. I've been serving my hostling for hours -- as your saw, translating and watching out for him. I try to inject myself into the conversation, to speak up, but instead I become a conduit." Apollo paused to sample the bitter, deep red liqueur that was Vaysh's favorite. "This is excellent. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Vaysh was pleased to meet someone who shared his taste. He found that after the group meeting he was somewhat more comfortable talking to Apollo, despite his striking resemblance to Thiede. "So what are you really like, as 'yourself,' when you're not being a 'conduit,' as you call it?" Oddly, Vaysh felt he was asking questions of himself. He too had learned to live in the shadow of others.

"Different," Apollo replied, a hint of a smile on his face. "A bit rebellious, bossy, a bit dominating I suppose. I don't have a bad temper, but out on my own, I'm not nearly as deferential."

"So normally, do you spend all your time with your hostling, in his service?" Vaysh asked.

"Normally? What's 'normally'? When I was a harling, I learned to be his helper and so of course I was always with him, but after my Feybraiah, I was able to be more independent -- Moon can take care of himself, after all." Apollo looked down at his glass as he swirled around the dark liquid. "After my father... Well, after that, and especially since coming to Immanion, things changed back again. Now I seem to be required almost every moment."

Vaysh detected a distinct feeling of frustration in the younger har's tone. However much loyalty he had for Moon, he was not entirely free of resentment.

Vaysh decided to step into even more personal territory. "Your parents have placed on you a heavy burden."

"Heavy?" Apollo responded. "You think so? That's funny, but I've been told many times, in no uncertain terms, that I've actually been given a very 'light' burden, all things considered. My parents decided even before I was born that I would not be given the responsibilities of a Tigron, tribal leader, or even a government advisor. I've never really been given any burden at all except for being my parents' son."

Vaysh found himself surprised at Apollo's words, although the sentiments made sense to him immediately. He was about to respond when Apollo continued. "In fact, I've often wondered if that was the way things were supposed to be or if perhaps it's only how it turned out."

"What do you mean?" Vaysh asked. He wondered if somehow some of the suspicions he and the Triad had harbored towards the newcomers' motives had been on the mark.

"I mean I wonder whether my parents said I didn't have to 'be' anything but actually secretly expected me to -- somehow, someday. I wonder if they somehow tested me and found me wanting, then didn't bother with their plans." Apollo's voice was dejected. "I don't know why I'm even telling you that except that I'm tired and haven't been able to really speak as myself for hours."

"I understand, Apollo," Vaysh offered. "You know I was quite..." he paused, seeking the words and to overcome his discomfort, "close to your father. I can't claim that I can entirely reconcile the har I knew with the one you and your hostling have described, so I don't know what could have been in his mind. However, I can tell you that I felt your hostling was being utterly sincere when he spoke of his motivations for having you. I don't think they found you 'wanting.'" To himself, Vaysh thought, "Now me, he obviously found wanting."

"That's kind of you." Apollo, finished with the drink, aimlessly turned the glass in his hands. "I suppose I only think it because I've never done much on my own. I've helped out my hostling with his work, traveling and educating, but I haven't ever had my own profession or, I suppose, my own place." Apollo glanced about the apartment and a look of satisfaction passed over his face. "Like this home you have. I'd love to have something like this, especially here in Immanion, even outside the palace."

"It was assigned to me when I first came to Immanion to serve Pell, as a benefit of my position," Vaysh remarked. It had been quite some time since he had felt conscious of the privileges he enjoyed. To Apollo, denied visit to the city throughout his life, his existence must have seemed ideal. "You could probably do as well for yourself somewhere in the world," Vaysh found himself saying, to his surprise. "You seem quite able and, of course, powerful."

"Powerful?" This particular word seemed to amuse Apollo, despite his evident agitation. "Only like everyone who was in the room a few minutes ago. My hostling, the Tigrons, the Tigrina, and you."

"How generous you are, including me in that," Vaysh remarked.

"Generous? Nonsense, you're very obviously quite powerful in your own right."

Vaysh rose up to put his glass on the top of the drink cabinet. He was careful not to rush, although the urge to flee was strong, just as it was any time someone asked him personal questions. "How about we not talk about me?" he asked, hoping he sounded more pleasant than defensive. "I'm happy talking to you, but I'm not apt to discuss myself."

Apollo appeared to think on this. "That's unfortunate, but as you wish. Another time perhaps."

Vaysh only shook his head noncommittally.

"Another time?" he thought to himself. "I'd prefer never -- not when you look at me with those amber eyes and you're asking me questions. Not when you seem honest and healthy, like nothing bad has ever touched you. He was good to you, no matter the burden. No, I'd prefer... not to discuss myself."