Chapter 4

As Moon told his story, Vaysh tried to follow along by asking questions, but by the end of it, when Moon spoke of feeling Thiede's Ascension, his head was a whirl of half-comprehended impossibilities. Moon's life, let alone his relationship with Thiede, came across as the stuff of myth and legend.

Moon was not insensitive to this. "You're bewildered, I can see it." It was at that point that Apollo reappeared, bearing glasses of wine for each of them. "Have a drink. It'll help calm you down."

Vaysh accepted his glass and drew it close to his chest, solid in a world that suddenly seemed very unstable. "This story you've just told me... is rather shocking, even to me."

"That's what he always said," Apollo remarked. As before, Vaysh couldn't help marveling at how much he resembled his father.

Moon smiled wistfully. "Yes, that was something he always told me. It was one of the reasons I stayed so very far away from here. He felt that details of my existence would be disruptive."

"I'll say," Vaysh said softly. "Not particularly in keeping with his image. I don't know if you realize, Moon, but Thiede wasn't exactly known for his understanding of relationships. In fact he seemed bent on ruining everyone else's. It would never have done to have any har see him with you and think the mighty Thiede was in love."

Moon appeared wounded. "I never said he was in love with me, Vaysh."

Vaysh's heart skipped a beat. "It was a presumption. You sound like lovers."

"Lovers in the harish sense. We were never chesna." Moon's right hand idly tugged on a tuft of his wildly spiked hair. "Thiede always told me that the one meant to be his chesna had died."

"What?!" Vaysh exclaimed. "He never told me that."

"No, he wouldn't have," Moon said. "It was all part of his image. He liked to act like everything he did was based on a new conception of morality or emotions, that things like love were relics of man, better abandoned, but he always talked about that to me -- especially after Orien was murdered."

A silence passed in the room. Vaysh knew as well as anyone how much Orien's death had affected Thiede. He had gathered it on his own, but Thiede had revealed the matter even more to Pellaz. There was a new shock, however, as Pell had said nothing about Orien being his chesna.

Moon rapidly provided an explanation. "I'm not speaking of Orien now, mind you." Vaysh's face registered surprise. "I see you don't know. I was speaking of someone who came before Orien. It was the first time Thiede had ever made love. He didn't know what would happen. His beloved was human, of course, and he died."

Years ago Vaysh had seen men who'd been killed by intercourse with Wraeththu. War victims, they had been a horror to behold. If that was the wound Thiede had inflicted, even unknowingly, it seemed understandable that he'd have been traumatized by love.

Moon offered further explanation. "He went mad afterward -- for a while. He told me that was what had convinced him that love was not for him and not for Wraeththu. Love is madness, it is weakness, it is division within our hearts, which must be strong and whole."

"So you were never in love."

Moon rolled his eyes. His face, Vaysh noted, was remarkably expressive. "He was never in love with me."

"You were in love with him, though," Apollo cut in, addressing his hostling. Moon looked over to his son sharply, his face actually coloring a light pink. "Be honest, you know it's true."

Moon shrugged. "Perhaps. I owed him quite a lot. He spoiled me. I've never been very close to any other hara except him and my son. We were never chesna, I was never his consort, not even when I bore his son. He treated me very well."

"You're lucky," Vaysh remarked darkly. "Some of us got hurt."