Chapter 4

Ivy’s Journal

Today was full of nice surprises. I ended up not having a caste training session because Adoxa needed to work one on one with Fennel. I guess he’s having problems or something. So, I went to Pentaay to help with the gardens. While we were working we started talking about how I wanted to study landscaping in addition to ancient technologies and Pentaay said that I could have one of the blank areas back in the south yard and build my own garden to practice with. The only catch is that I can only use plants from our surplus supply.

Still, it’s a great opportunity and I was very excited. As soon as I was done helping I went over to the greenhouse to check out the supply of plants. Then I went out to the area Pen said I could have and started checking out the soil and the lay of the land and everything. It was a beautiful day and by the time I got out to the south yard it was almost sunset. I ended up sitting out there enjoying the day and just daydreaming about what I wanted to do with the garden until all of a sudden I realized that it was getting very dark and I’d missed supper.

Then just as I was getting up to walk back, I saw Pansea. He was going for one of his runs around the grounds. I waved to him and he looked really glad to see me and came over, which kind of surprised me. We had a nice little chat. It turns out that he’s helping Effrana with his classes and he’s wanting to stay on and work here at Harling Gardens permanently. I think that’s really great. I know how close he and Lis are and I’m glad to know that someone will be staying behind to keep Lis company after all of us are grown and moved on. It kind of makes me jealous too, though. I wish I had been able to be as close to Lis as Pansea is. I didn’t say anything like that, of course. I don’t want Pansea getting any more weird ideas about me and Lis.

Anyway, I told Pansea all about my garden and everything that I was planning to plant and how I wanted to design the drainage and everything. Pansea sounded really impressed so I think I must have some good ideas. He even said that he’d be happy to come out and help me whenever he had the free time. I told him that I’d love that. I really could use the help, plus I really like talking to Pansea, he’s so smart and he has this way of making you feel like you’re the most important person in the world when he talks to you. Plus, I know he’s a really hard worker and he just likes to do whatever he can to help out. I just hope I’m able to make it look the way I have it envisioned in my head. Pansea said that he thinks it’ll turn out great no matter what. I hope he’s right.

Pansea’s Journal

I know I should be getting some sleep right now. I’m certainly tired – but I’m not sleepy. I’m too excited to sleep. I’m so happy I could dance. Well, not really, my back and my shoulders are killing me, but at least all that garden drudgery has finally paid off.

Ivy and I have been working on it for a week now. Wouldn’t you know that he’d want to do all the hard stuff first! It’s funny how it actually all started. I was getting extremely frustrated with working out there. It was always fun when we first started because we’d talk a lot and it would be nice to be outside. But, we’re doing a lot of hard, dirty work and after an hour or so we usually stop talking because it takes so much effort. I was really ready to quit for the day because I felt miserable. I was sweaty and aching and hungry and I felt just covered in dirt. I’d paused from digging to pull up a really deep and nasty grass root that was in my path. I reached down and then this extremely disgusting, huge bug crawled right in my hand and I almost squashed it. Well, of course, there are few things in the world that I hate more than bugs and so unfortunately I jumped back and screamed like a harling. Then I just got so mad about the whole thing I sat there in the dirt cursing that damn bug with every swear word in my vocabulary.

I scared the crap out of poor Ivy. I think he thought I’d hurt myself at first and he came up beside me, looking very concerned. When he asked me what happened I felt like such an idiot. I admitted that a bug had scared me and predictably Ivy got quite a giggle out of that. Then I felt self-conscious and defensive so I blurted out that I just wasn’t used to digging around in the dirt anymore with all these nasty bugs and how it had taken me off guard because I was so tired.

And then Ivy felt bad because before he hadn’t realized just how big of a favor I was doing for him. He looked at me all confused with those big green eyes of his and asked why I was doing this for him. I knew that was it; it was now or never. We were both kneeling there in the dirt, sweaty and tired. Ivy went to tuck a stand of hair behind his ear but his hands were just covered in grime so he was trying to do it with the heel of his hand. Then I reached over to do it but I saw that my hands were dirty too. He was looking at me like he was still waiting for an answer so I just leaned in and shared breath with him.

In no time we were both touching each other – dirty hands or not. On one hand it was the most beautiful perfect moment I could have imagined. On the other hand, we must have looked completely ridiculous.

But I certainly don’t regret it. When we parted, Ivy actually blushed just a little bit – it was so adorable! And he said I didn’t have to do all this hard work just to spend time with him. But I told him that I really wanted to help him even if it wasn’t my favorite type of work. After that he decided we should quit early, get cleaned up and have supper together. It was great. I am so, so, so happy!

Ivy’s Journal

Life couldn’t be grander than it is right now. My caste training is going well. Adoxa says that I’m advancing along right on target.

And day before yesterday Pansea and I had a nice visit with Lis for lunch and then most of the afternoon. I felt a little awkward at first. Partially because of that mix up we’d had before but also because I just felt like I was a stranger in Lis and Pansea’s little family. But, really I felt more comfortable in no time. It was a wonderful visit. I had no idea that Lis could be so much fun to talk to. I guess I always think of him as being serious and taking care of business. But, he likes to talk about things other than Harling Gardens, too. We talked about all sorts of things – politics, history, hairstyles, funny stories. I’d never have guessed that Lis used to be embarrassed about his hair. His hair is just so … Lis! I’m so glad he never changed it.

I’m so lucky to have gotten close to Pansea, since it’s been a way to get closer to Lis as well. Even before I got to spend more time with Lis, I felt like I was getting to know him better just by knowing Pansea. We talk all the time and Pansea has told me so much about Lis. There are even things that I don’t know that Lis would want me to know. Like I never knew there was so much rule-breaking going on all along when the hostlings were here. Pansea hasn’t told me anything specific that Lis might have done – he wouldn’t betray a confidence and I wouldn’t expect him to. But, he’s indicated that Lis knew about these things (obviously or else how would Pansea know). Of course I expect this sort of subject from Pansea – he always had a reputation for being a little brave when it came to rules.

I remember vaguely when he got thrown out of the nursery rooms all those years ago. I don’t think I actually saw it, but I was there. Of course, I was much too small to understand it at the time. I think for a while I had this impression that Pansea was some sort of troublemaker. I told him that and he got such a laugh out of it. He said IS a troublemaker and a bad influence too! He’s been using that joke for a week now but today is the closest he’s come to living up to it. It rained in the afternoon and Pansea convinced me that it was just too muddy for us to work outside. I’m pretty sure he was exaggerating, but when he invited me up to his room instead, I just couldn’t argue in favor of mud.

When we got up to his room, the air just felt charged somehow. I was so excited. I’m surprised that we haven’t taken aruna together before, but I think we were both saving up for it because we knew it would be special. It was more than special. It was spectacular. I didn’t feel nervous or awkward at all like I have with others. I felt like nothing we did could be wrong. Of course, that wasn’t exactly the case – we were both so eager we ended up with double ouana at first! It was kind of funny because this was the first time that I’d had aruna without some sort of conversation before about who would be what. But I like the way we were spontaneous together. And Pansea let me stay ouana, which really flattered me. Usually with an older har they just assume that you’ll be soume. It’s not that I don’t like being soume, it’s just that it’s nice not to be automatically assigned to it because I’m younger.

Without a doubt it was the very best aruna I’ve ever had so far. Pansea is totally amazing. He made me feel totally amazing. I think I may have worn him out (and yes I am proud of that) though because he lay there asleep for over an hour after. I wondered if I should wake him. I wanted to because I was starved and I didn’t want to leave for dinner without him. But it was nice watching him sleep. He’s so perfect and beautiful. I’d never had that much opportunity to really appreciate him before. I mean everyone knows Pansea is beautiful. He’s always been beautiful; it’s like part of his definition. But, now that I really know him and really got to look at him, beautiful takes on a whole new meaning. Not only is he gorgeous, but he’s such a good person. But he’s not so perfect that he’s no fun to be around.

I told him how much I admired him for standing up to the bad staff hara when he was just a harling and how brave he was. He just smiled and said that if he’d stopped to think about what he was doing back at the time, he probably wouldn’t have had the courage. He admitted that he’d even regretted it until he and Lis became friends. He said that anything brave he ever did was because he was trying to make Lis proud of him. I know he doesn’t understand why, but I told him that only makes him more special to me.

Well, I’m awfully tired now. I sure hope it rains again tomorrow, though!

Pansea’s Journal

I finally worked up enough nerve to talk to Lis about me staying at Harling Gardens permanently. The good news is that Lis was thrilled. He said that he had a feeling I might want to stay and he was hoping very much that I would. He hugged me so hard I almost couldn’t breathe.

But there’s always bad news too. Lis said that he thinks I still have some more learning to do before I’m really qualified to be an instructor. He said that he would like me to receive some training in deliveries and basic healing if I’m going to stay on after we switch to all hara education. All in all, I like that idea. I may not have a natural healing power like some hara, but I know I’m smart enough to learn a great deal. Lis sure seems to think so. It’s just that I’d have to leave here to do it and that’s the last thing I want to do. Lis said that he’d look into the possibility of me apprenticing to a healer who specializes in deliveries in Immanion so that I can pursue some other studies there at the same time. I know I should be thrilled, but just thinking about it is giving me a headache.

I should think about Ivy instead. I told Lis that he really ought to come and look at the garden that Ivy made now that we've finished it. Once all the flowers are at their peak, I think I’ll put together a nice surprise picnic for Ivy and me. Maybe I’ll even cook something if I have the time.

Ivy’s Journal

We finished the garden and it looks fantastic. Well, it’s not as beautiful as I’d like since I had to use a lot of daises, which really aren’t my favorites. One touch that I like a lot, is that we left several little areas with a lot of lawn. I’d like to build some benches for there later and maybe even add some sculptures from some of the more artistic harlings and hara. It never ceases to amaze me when I see what wonderful creations some hara can put together from what seems to be old junk. And it’s just so symbolic for Harling Gardens. First this place was made into something new and special from the old human convent and then the school was made from the horrible old facility, just like the Parasiel were made from the Varrs. I wonder if we could weld together something that might symbolize a flowering tree. That would be perfect because I didn’t have any saplings to plant out there and my garden could really use a good tree – or three as the traditional style would dictate. Yes. I definitely want to have three trees made from old materials. I’ve made up my mind. I can’t help but smile – I wonder how Pansea feels about helping me with welding?