Chapter 4

At first Fafara's expression was one of stunned amazement. Obviously my words had completely blindsided him. Then, just a moment later, I saw the anger.

"Arafa," he said sharply, looking up to his apprentice, still standing expectantly before us like a servant. "Please leave us."

"Of course," Arafa mumbled, scuttling out of the room and closing the door behind him. Surely he knew an explosion was imminent.

Fafara turned back to me and glared. Hard. "How DARE you!" he roared. We were still sitting so close he actually hurt my ears.

Up until that point in our relationship, he and I had barely argued and I had never heard him use the tone of voice he now employed. Commanding. Resentful. Angry.

He was positively shaking with rage. "So this is how it's going to be!" he spat. "You plant a child in me and suddenly you start acting like some overprotective, sexist human male!"

This was in no way an accusation for which I was prepared. "If I recall, it's you who was once a human male," I attempted to counter. Fafara was 65 years old and had been incepted into Wraeththu as a 15-year-old human male. Pointing this out was low of me and thinking back, I deeply regret it. But what can I say? I was desperate!

"You know what I mean!" he burst out angrily. He actually yanked himself away from me and settled in a spot further down on the bed. "If I didn't have this pearl in me, you'd have me along with you in a moment. But no! Now you start trying to make decisions for me."

I opened my mouth to defend my position but Fafara cut me off. "No, let me finish. You point out that I was once a human male. That's quite true. But it's also true that this highlights a basic fact, which is that I am a hell of a lot older than you and I have much more experience with life -- particularly when it comes to pearl-hosting. And do you know what my experience tells me?" he asked.

I shook my head and he continued, hand on his stomach. "It tells me that I'll be just fine. Just give me a day or two, just to be sure the aren forms correctly without undue stress, and we can be on our way."

Again I was about to speak and again he cut me off. "It took you and Ilana a month to get here. I know from experience that it should only take two and half to three weeks to reach your family's home. You two didn't go the direct route because you were more or less wandering south, not knowing where you were going. For us, the trip will be much shorter. In two days time, we can travel up there, spend a week, be there for the reunion, and return home. I'll be back here in Delia for my last two weeks. It's only then that traveling would be detrimental to my health."

During his explanation, I'd grown a bit less upset. His arguments did seem quite convincing, I had to admit. Still, I was totally against the idea.

"I don't know, Fafa. I still don't think you should go. What if something were to happen to you?"

Sometimes it's not until we say words out loud that we realize what we are feeling inside. Right at that moment, my own words struck me just that way. "What if something were to happen to you?" had been my hostling's exact words to me before I left with Ilana on our "glorious adventure."

Fafara understood this without my saying a word. "Dera," he said. "You must realize you're not fighting me on rational grounds. You're against it because two years ago, a har with a pearl left on a long trip and nearly didn't survive."

Tears were sliding out from my eyes. Fafara reached out and wiped them away. "Please, Dera, have faith. It's not the same. That will not happen again. That was a horrible. The worst thing possible almost. But it's not something that will happen again. Can't you trust me?" He looked at me hopefully.

I was still uncertain, even if I had warmed to him.

"Can't you understand?" he pressed me. "I want to go with you. I really do! I don't feel apprehensive at all. I'm quite healthy and I'm telling you, I used to make good long trips in my younger days, even when I had my pearls. Don't worry so much, Dera."

Well, this was when I melted in defeat. "Fair enough," I announced. "You can come with me. But only after we are sure the aren is well on its way."

Fafara agreed. And then we shared breath.