Chapter 2

I have long prided myself on being the strong one. Dera, I know, has always relied on me. When I lost our pearl, he felt that I was the stronger of us, that he was too weak to handle it.

But now, faced with this shattering bit of news, my strength evaporated until there was nothing left and I was left shivering, shuddering and finally, sobbing. I don't know how long it was that I sat in my workroom simply weeping. I had to put the letter on the counter to protect it from my tears. I had to climb off my stool and sit on the floor.

How could it be? How was he alive? Could he really be coming back to me? What was that going to do to me? What was that going to do to my family? It was too much, too much, and for every question that pounded in my head, I heaved another sob.

Gradually I exhausted my grief. By that time I lay on the floor thinking quieter thoughts. I realized my face had swollen and my work orders were still behind. Time had passed and--

I heard someone whimpering. Adelna. Grabbing the letter, I ran down the hall into the bathroom. He was half-sitting in the bath, tears streaming down his face.

"Where were you?" he cried. He was shaking as he flung his arms around me. "I woke up and I was alone. I called for you to come but you didn't hear me. Why didn't you hear me? Dede--"

"Is asleep," I heard myself say, patting down my child's wet hair. He was nearly an adult but Feybraiha had thrown his emotions completely out of balance.

I tried to come up with an explanation. "He was tired and I was-- I was..." I didn't know what to tell him. Surely he was not ready for the truth, not at that moment. Besides, I had to tell Dera first. "I was very deep in concentration," I lied.

He pulled back and stared at me, disbelieving.

"I was in another place," I explained, delivering a statement which was more truthful. "I did not hear you. If I had, I would have come at once."

He pressed his face into my hair again and squeezed me tight. "I'm sorry I'm so upset, it's just that-- that--"

"I know, Ada, I know..." I soothed. I gathered him in my arms and walked down the hall towards his bedroom.

As I turned the corner, I saw Dera coming in from outside. He eyed me with curiosity.

"Oh, Fafa, I'm sorry you've had to trouble yourself," he apologized. "I should have been there to help you, I--"

"It's all right," I said. "Please just tell Kardaram to prepare dinner out in the garden. Dinner for two," I emphasized.

Dera gave me a long look and I could see he was trying to read me. My reddened eyes no doubt gave much away. "All right," he said warily. He could sense something was not right. His eyes went to the letter I clutched in my hand.

"I'll see you there," he said, moving away towards the kitchen.

I took my bundle into his bedroom, where I dried him, dressed him, and put him into his bed. "Sleep, Ada," I told him, trying to be gentle despite my impatience. "I must talk to your father. If you grow hungry, please see Kardaram. I will return later on tonight."

Adelna nodded and turned onto his side, pushing himself towards a sleep that was unlikely to come easily.

I left the room, pushing myself towards a conversation that was going to be even harder going.