THE BEST FILES
Quotes From My Esteemed
Latin Professor

Latin	English
Meus prior Latinus magister, Edward Best, est vir magnae sapientiae, sed multa nova discipulis dicit. Audio et scribo haec verba in chartam. Nunc dico populo. Hic dabo exempla:	My former Latin professor, Edward Best, is a man of great wisdom, but says many strange things to students. I listen and write these words on paper. Now I am telling people. Here I will offer examples:

On fashion:
"She had these -- what do you call them? -- great big warlocks on her head."
Survival tip:
"It takes a lot of physical ability to put up with someone like me."
New in-class trick:
"I'm going to call on people with polysyllabic names."
Freudian analysis:
"Sucking an ice cube in a cocktail lounge is a kind of oral gratification."
Words to live by:
"Latinize yourself."
Memory improvement:
"Chisel it onto your brain forever."
Personal statement
"I ain't nothin' but a hound dog."
Shocked:
"I feel like I just looked at Medusa's head. I turned to stone. I got stoned!"
Religious conviction
"I believe the machine is the Antichrist."
More Freud:
"You may have a dative fixation. That's alright -- it may satisfy inner needs."
Something to look forward to:
"We're gonna have a party one day in here, because we've been workin' too hard, I've been whoopin' you too hard."
Orders from the top:
"You all quit lookin' at the text! How would you like it if someone was starin' at you as if you were the Medusa?"
Quoting Rolf the Dog, The Muppet Movie
"It ain't often you see a guy that green, got the blues that bad."
Sex and Socrates?
"See how Socrates resolves the glandular needs."
Philosophy of Spikus Leus:
"Today you did the wrong thing, but Spike Lee would like you to do the right thing."
On Caesar's daughter, who was a bit lascivious, especially when pregnant:
"She never took on a new passenger unless she had a load in the hold."
Hurry up:
"Tempus is fugiting!"
Warning to a student
"I hope you have Latin playing in those headphones -- and I hope you have Latin in your head!"
Protect yourself:
"Don't go readin' those pre-Chirstian writers -- they may corrupt you!"
How he imagines the Average Joe thinking:
"That Clinton is always on television. I'd like to get him in the marketplace and have Dennis Rodman kick him in the groin!"
Registering yet more shock:
"You just tunred me into a cigar store Indian. Whoops, that's not PC -- I mean a cigar store Native American!"
Memorizing forms has its dangers:
"When you're going to the next class, ask yourself, 'What can I compare qui quae quod to?' Don't do it aloud, of course -- I don't want to see you arrested!"
Major pun
"The relative pronoun always relates -- it has kinfolk."
Dr: Best:
"What is it?"
Student:
"I don't know -- come on, you're hurting me!"
Dr. Best:
"I'm way ahead of you."
Student:
"Well, I'm way behind."
Dr. Best:
"Is it dark down there in the underworld?"
Student:
"I'm already in the underworld."

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THE BEST FILES Quotes From My Esteemed Latin Professor

THE BEST FILES
Quotes From My Esteemed
Latin Professor